January 01, 2024

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Brian, Ludwig, Jenny, Sandy, Pam, Steve, Mimi, Mark

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Here We Are Again!

Here we are at the start of the month named after the Roman god Janus, an appropriate personification of the start of the new year. This particular Roman god had two faces so that he could look ahead toward the future and back at the past at the same time. As we get rid of an old year and look forward to a new one, we all try to be a little like Janus. We know through experience what we did wrong and what we did right, and hope to do better this year. Some people make ambitious new year’s resolutions; others just take a deep breath and hope for the best!

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Alligator Shoes

A man goes into a Louisiana shoe store and asks the price of some alligator shoes. “$500,” says the salesman. “I can’t afford that!” says the man. “How about a discount?” The salesman tells him they’ve just come in from Italy, and there’s no way he’s discounting them. But the man won’t give up and keeps pestering him to mark them down. Finally, the guy is exasperated and says, “Look, there’s an alligator pond a block from here. Just go catch yourself one and you won’t have to pay anything.” The man says, “That’s a great idea.” After a couple of hours, the salesman starts to feel guilty and wonders if maybe the man got killed. He walks over to the pond and sees the man surrounded by dead alligators. He looks up and sees the salesman and yells, “Is this some kind of practical joke? Not ONE of these alligators has shoes on!”

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The London Tour Bus

A group of tourists are visiting London for the New Year. They charter a bus to go to Hampton Palace, and for some reason, all the redheads and brunettes sit on the upper level. The rest are all sitting in the lower level. After a couple of miles the tour leader, sitting in the lower, goes up to the top level to see how they’re doing. She finds them all sitting tight-lipped, eyes wide open, with terrified looks on their faces. Their hands are gripping the seat-backs with white knuckles. “What’s wrong with you folks?” she asks. “This is great scenery. Everybody downstairs is enjoying the ride!” “Sure,” said a redhead in front. “That’s because you have a driver!”

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Editors Quote Book

 “What the New Year brings to you will depend a great deal
on what you bring to the New Year.”

—Vern McLellan

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Trivia Quiz

(Click Question For Answer)

 

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Your Horoscope

For Amusement Only

Aries Mar. 21 – Apr. 19: This is a good time to focus on your sense of direction. Where you are going and how to get there.

Taurus Apr. 20 – May 20: Some confusion happens with   certain family members. They will turn to you for an explanation. Be forthright and honest.

Gemini May 21 – June 20: Subtle hints will be appreciated. Don’t take credit for the results. Allow others to enjoy the spotlight and take credit.

Cancer June 21 – July 22: Let down your guard and enjoy the season, have fun. An old acquaintance should definitely not be forgotten.

Leo July 23 – Aug 22: Start the year with a positive outlook. You have abilities that have not yet been tested. Go forward with confidence.

Virgo Aug 23 – Sept 22: Be creative with your finances. You never know how far a dollar can go till you really try stretching it.

Libra Sept 23 – Oct 22: An innovative idea loses its appeal. Look at all sides before discarding. It could have the seeds of something better.

Scorpio Oct.23-Nov.21:  Your current project is coming to an end. Wrap it up now, then move ahead with a new venture in 2025.

Sagittarius Nov.22- Dec.21:  The year ends with a bang for you. A new romantic interest could spark some extra excitement. Hold on tight.

Capricorn Dec.22-Jan.19:  Your partner’s choice may not be your choice. Don’t take issue with it. Sit back and enjoy.

Aquarius Jan.20-Feb.18:  Your family does appreciate all the effort you put in to make the holidays fun. Take pride in what you do.

Pisces Feb. 19-Mar.20:  Family can be trying at times. But remember that they love you, and you love them. Be thankful for them.

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A New Years Day Concert

Every New Years Day, musicians from every corner of the world gather, to celebrate the new year performing the music they love. It could be Jazz, Pop, Folk or Classical. There could be just two or three musicians or a full symphony orchestra.

One of the oldest and most established is the Vienna Symphony New Years Day Concert. They have played on New Years Day every year since 1838. The concerts are broadcast around the world through streaming services, TV, and radio. The music is polkas, marches, waltzes, Primarily those of the Strauss family and their contemporaries. If you would like to see a short video of a past concert, click on the link and enjoy a taste of what millions of people around the world will be enjoying.

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Insurance Claims

The following was submitted by Scarborough reader, Mary Karadzovski

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest possible words.

• Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.
• The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
• I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
• I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
• A truck backed through my windshield and into my wife’s face.
• A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
• The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
• In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
• I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
• I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
• I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
• As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

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One-Track Mind

A drunk man was in front of a judge the day after New Years. The judge says, “Sir you’ve been brought here for drinking.” The drunk responds, “Okay, let’s get started.”

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Who’s Who?

On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

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The Last Word

In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out
in friendship, but never in want.

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