North Bay December 20, 2023
27 December 2023North Bay January 03, 2024
10 January 2024North Bay December 27, 2023
December 27, 2023
Editors Quote Book
“Truth exists; only falsehood has to be invented.”
— George Braque
The Preacher’s Teeth
The minister had all of his remaining teeth pulled out. New dentures were being made.
The first Sunday, he only preached for 10 minutes.
On the second Sunday, he preached for only 20 minutes.
On the third Sunday, he preached for 1 hour 25 minutes.
When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way:
“The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my new dentures were hurting me a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife’s dentures… and I just couldn’t shut up.”
Census
Census Taker: ‘How many children do you have?’
Woman: ‘Four.’
Census Taker: ‘May I have their names, please?’
Woman: ‘Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George.’
Census Taker: ‘Okay, that’s fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?’
Woman: ‘Because we didn’t want any Moe.’
A Great Actor
There was once a great actor who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally, he finds a theatre prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, “This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You must walk onto the stage carrying a rose, hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line… ‘Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'” The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play, he’s practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time came.
The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion, he delivered the line, “Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.”
The theatre erupted, the audience screamed with laughter… and the director steamed! “You fool!” he cried, “You have ruined me!”
The actor, quite bewildered, asked, “What happened, did I forget my line?” he asked.
“No!” the director screamed… “You forgot the rose!”
Trivia Quiz
(Click Question For Answer)
Your Horoscope
For Amusement Only
ARIES (Mar 21- Apr 19): Treat yourself to new clothes. Get dressed up, go out and socialize. You will do wonders for your morale.
TAURUS (Apr 20- May 20): Look closely at your demeanour. Is it possible you could use an attitude adjustment? You can do better.
GEMINI: (May 21- Jun 20): Let go of your resentment; it is holding you back. A more positive frame of mind will serve you better.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): A little humour will go a long way toward smoothing out the bumps in the road ahead.
LEO (Jul 23- Aug 22 ): To maintain your current relationship, you must be willing to take on more than your share. It’ll be worth it.
VIRGO (Aug 23- Sept 22): Your extra efforts, good judgement, and loyalty have not gone unnoticed. The rewards are coming your way.
LIBRA (Sept 23- Oct 22): Impossible demands will not yield the desired results. Seek out a compromise that satisfies both parties.
SCORPIO (Oct 23- Nov 21): Pursue your dreams and put them front and centre. It’s never too late for them to come true.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec.21): Hands-on experience is the best teacher. You have what it takes, so dig in and don’t look back.
CAPRICORN (Dec 22- Jan 19): Your mind is filled with old thoughts, get rid of the clutter. So that you can start thinking clearly again.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Plan your winter vacation now. Give yourself something to be excited about and to look forward to.
PISCES (Feb 19- Mar 20): Start your new year off with a visit to your financial advisor. Set your finances up for the coming year.
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Caution
A vehicle fire in Stenlille, Denmark, also damaged a nearby house after the fire. A warning was issued to the community, cautioning people against using toasters under the front of their cars to keep the EV batteries warm. There were no injuries, but the car was heavily damaged, and the owner is facing a substantial fine.
Cats
I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent; they don’t listen or come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home, they want to be left alone and sleep.
Least Competent Criminal
A 62-year-old woman picked a poor time to dash through the self-checkout at Walmart with $700 worth of merchandise in her cart. The store was hosting a “Shop With a Cop” event in the Genoa Township store; there were about 75 police officers on hand when a clerk alerted one of the officers about the shoplifter. Michigan State Police Lt. Rene Gonzalez reportedly said, “It surprised me. When you see 75 cops in the store, I mean, ,,,, maybe they thought we were too busy.” The alleged thief was detained in the parking lot and taken to jail.
Finally A Groom
Harry was finally a groom and was very excited about his upcoming marriage.
On his way out of the office, his boss approached him with an outstretched hand, “Congratulations, Harry! I just wanted to tell you I’ve been married for twenty-two years, and I am sure that you will always remember this day with the fondest of memories as the happiest day of your life.” “But sir,” said Harry, a little confused, “I’m not getting married until tomorrow!” “Yeah, I know,” said his boss.
Bernard
Bernard noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty-four AM by his ringing telephone. “Your dog’s barking, and it’s keeping me awake,” said his angry neighbour. Bernard thanked the caller politely. The following day at precisely four forty-four AM, Bernard called his neighbour back… “Good morning, Mr. Williams… Just called to say that I don’t have a dog.”
The Last Word
If necessity is the mother of invention.
Why are there so many unnecessary inventions?