February 1, 2023

This Valentine’s Day, Impress her
with something expensive…

Editors Quote Book

“Divorce is nature’s way of telling you that you’re making too much money!”

— Johnny Carson, after his first divorce.

“Divorce is a suit that takes YOU to the cleaners!”

— Johnny Carson, after his second divorce.

Old Nautical Phrases Still Used Today

“Taken aback” … meaning: Jolted by unpleasant news at a momentary loss.
Origin: A sudden shift in the wind or unexpected squall hitting the ship from a different direction could cause the sails to be blown back against the masts, resulting in damage bad enough to render the ship helpless.

“The coast is clear” … meaning: All is well, proceed unhindered.
Origin: During the days of smuggling contraband from France to England, a boy would ride a white horse, visible at night, along the top of the cliffs to signal no Revenue Men were around.

“A square meal” … meaning: A substantial meal.
Origin: Sailors ate their meals off square wooden plates with a raised edge called a fiddle. If a sailor overfilled his plate, he was said to be “on the fiddle” and could be punished.

I asked the young checkout guy if these were front or back legs.

He didn’t know and said I’ll go ask. When he came back he said. “Not funny.”

Regarding Exercising …

• It’s never too late to start exercising. That’s why I’m waiting until later.
• I’m afraid if I start exercising, I’ll be too sexy!
• If you ever see me jogging, please kill whatever is chasing me!
• I exercised once, but found out I was allergic to it! My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous!

Trivia Quiz

(Click Question For Answer)

Your Horoscope

For Amusement Only

Aries Mar. 21 – Apr. 19: Compare and contrast the pros and cons of that decision coming. Ask for help if needed.

Taurus Apr. 20 – May 20: Everyone needs a special friend to lean on sometimes. Be that friend, Taurean, as you’re leaning on another.

Gemini May 21 – June 20: A loved one is going to need your love and guidance. Be prepared and there for them.

Cancer June 21 – July 22: Wearing your heart on your sleeve may reveal more than is prudent. Calm down and let nature take it’s course.

Leo July 23 – Aug. 22: Keep your eyes open for a great opportunity, Leo. It may not be what you’re looking for, but could be better.

Virgo Aug. 23 – Sept. 22: It takes a village to raise a child, Virgo, but you – alone – are not a village. Seek help with a loved one!

Libra Sept. 23 – Oct. 22: Good things are coming! Be calm. Be patient, and then go into it with your eyes open!

Scorpio Oct. 23 – Nov. 21: Already you’re beginning to see cracks in their armour. Don’t let others be fooled.

Sagittarius Nov. 22 – Dec. 21: Some say reality is an acquired taste. You appear to need more of it in your life. Come back down to earth.

Capricorn Dec. 22 – Jan. 19: Once a leprecaun, always a leprechaun! Try to tone down the hilarity, and get more serious about things.

Aquarius Jan. 20 – Feb. 18: Don’t get caught up in the minutiae of a situation, though tempting. See the big picture and its meaning.

Pisces Feb. 19 – Mar. 20: Can’t see the forest for the trees? Try to, especially in the week ahead. Seek help from a friend if necessary.

Did You Know?

They Walk Among Us …

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? ‘To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know? ‘He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an ‘intellectually challenged’ coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the beeper was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving? ‘She is a government employee

When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘it’s open!’ His reply, ‘I know. I already did that side.’

Time Passages

1998: “Don’t get in a car with strangers.”
2008: “Don’t meet people from the internet alone.”
2023: “UBER … Order yourself a stranger from the internet to get into a car with – alone!

The Last Word

Practical advice: If all the toilets in your house are occupied and you are waiting for one to be free, switch off the WiFi!